Private Schools Have Problems, Too

It’s human nature to complain about things. Even when situations are great, we complain. Here are some examples of ridiculous things that have been said in conversations (some of them said by me) around campus:

Classroom Chatter

  • I am so upset! I hate teaching in a classroom with only blackboards. I need a full wall of white boards and an overhead projector connected to DVD, VCR, and a Computer.
  • I hate when there are only a couple of colored markers for the board. I need at least 8 colors. So I just buy my own and leave them in the classroom for the year.
  • I don’t know how those professors teach in those upscale conference rooms. The wooden tables don’t even move. What do you do when you want to work in small groups?
  • It’s about time we had a workshop on flipped classrooms.
  • I hate it when the custodian washes my board. Sometimes I want to keep stuff up for the next day.
  • I have 25 students in my class??? *sigh* I really prefer having 14 max.
  • Oh I can’t teach in that room. There isn’t enough cabinetry.


  • Since we don’t get paid extra for all of this service, I make sure my Chair knows that when I place orders for texts and DVDs for my courses, he better approve them. Last week I ordered almost $2000 worth of instructional material.
  • The library sent the faculty in my department ‘choice cards’. They give us index cards with descriptions of new books in our area and ask if they should purchase them for the library. I just don’t have time to fill these out right now.
  • After 8pm, I have an automatic reply on my email for students. It directs them to contact the 18 hour a day librarian on call. I put the link right in the reply.
  • I use a purchasing card all the time so I might as well get my own. But then I have to sit through the 45 minute training. I don’t know if it’s worth it.

In the Cafeteria

  • Can you believe they raised the price of faculty meal cards from $50 to $60??? I mean, 15 all you can eat meals was a deal for fifty bucks, but sixty….
  • All of the food is natural so you don’t have to worry about hormones and stuff like that.
  • Of course there are gluten free options at the dessert station. Vegan too.
  • What happened to the fresh salmon they used to have at the salad bar?
  • They only have 3 blends of Starbucks coffee. I wish there was a barista to make a Mocha for me.
  • What’s going on today? Where are the real plates and silverware? Is the power out or something? I don’t eat with plastic utensils.
  • They never put out the cucumber water anymore.
  • Why don’t they have flavored ice cream cones?
  • I wish they’d have more than just 4 pie options.

In the Office

  • Who is catering the lunch meeting?
  • Soup and salad does not constitute ‘lunch’. And continental breakfasts belong in motels, not in academic departments.
  • Dang! My department is almost out of wine. I better let the assistant know.
  • The printer in my office is out of ink. Now I have to print to one of the machines downstairs.
  • The retreat was nice and all, but it would’ve been better if they’d given us spa gift certificates as well.
  • I used to have an upright piano in my office but now I have a baby grand piano. It’d be nice to have a grand piano, but this works.
  • There aren’t enough windows in my office so they tried to put up transoms on the doors to allow for some light. It just doesn’t work.
  • This furniture is just not my style. *orders contemporary furniture*
  • Who do I contact to get built-ins put up? Is it the same office who would get rid of this rug?
  • No I don’t want that printer. I need one that prints in color and is duplex.
  • Why didn’t they install my statistics software on my computer when they assembled it? I had to wait until the next day.

Private school problems.


Disclaimer: This list was comprised in jest. Private colleges have legitimate problems, but today I felt like focusing on the superficial ones 🙂